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The secret cause of all suffering is mortality itself, which is the prime condition of life. It cannot be denied if life is to be affirmed. -Joseph Cambell
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Sep. 1st, 2008 @ 11:08 am Pickles. Just pickles.
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Well it's monday. And it's a holiday to everyone but me. I work at the mall, therefore holidays are exempt for me. I do have to work but it's not until 7.00 tonight. I'm not really worried about it, I'll probably just be doing stock. I am closing with another person and a manager, which seems weird. I think they are just preparing in case it's busy. I'm kind of waiting for them to call me and tell me not to come it. They warned me this weekend that shifts will be cut this coming week. Not looking forward to THAT. I'm barely making 10 hours a week and now they are going to cut some of my shifts? That sucks. Nicholas actually brought me home the classifieds so I can look for another job. It's not that I want to leave my job, I'm quite comfortable there, but I can't survive on the small paychecks that I'm getting.

So I got a phone call this morning from Michael. I didn't answer because I didn't recognize the number, but now I'm kicking myself for not picking up. Apparently he's moving to L.A. and can't bring the cat, Cicero. So, I guess for now Cicero is coming to live with me. I can't really think what else to do with him. I don't want to just drop him off at a pet adoption agency, and I DEFINITELY don't want to bring him to the pound. If anyone knows of anybody that would be willing to take Cicero, I would appreciate the help. I already have my hands full with the two pups. I've done the three kids thing before and it worked out well, but I kinda don't want to do it again. Honestly I can't AFFORD to do it again.

I didn't have to work yesterday so I actually did some sewing. I was working on two bags at the same time and they are just about finished. These two are made only to be sold. I will not be carrying them around or anything. They will sit off to the side until I have enough bag styles collected to either present to a boutique or offer them to my moms friends. I may just have a trunk show at one of my mom's parties and sell them to her friends. That seems the least intimidating way to do it. Of course I don't even have two bags ready and I'd like to have at least fifteen or so to sell. So I've got a long way to go.

Last night after Nick got off work we went out to dinner with my parents. I think he's more relaxed around them now because he wasn't talking so much. Of course he still carried most of the conversation but it wasn't overwhelming. After dinner we went back to my parent's house where Nick and my dad enjoyed a drink of scotch. My mom and I just chatted about my job. Both my parent's understand why I'm not looking for another job, but they still think I should be asking for more hours. It's not about asking for more hours, it's just that they have so many people on staff that they have to spread the hours out. I can almost understand why they have so many people on staff. It's much easier to have only a five hour shift when you're dealing with such intense conditions. I couldn't imagine working 40 hours there. I would be mentally and physically drained all the time. I get drained after a three hour shift. And that's nothing compared to doing parties!

Speaking of parties, they sprung one on me the other night. It wasn't too bad but I was totally unprepared for it. I was able to pull myself together and do it. I think it went well enough and the kids had a good time, which I guess is all that matters. The party mom seemed pleased too, which is a good thing. The only thing that sucked was that they only got five dollar tee shirts (which are crappy) so the kids were a little dismayed at that. But we got through it. I was supposed to have a party on saturday, but they never showed up. How do you forget you have a birthday party? It's the second one that's flaked out on me. I will admit I was a little relieved that they didn't show. Parties on a saturday is just chaos. It's already busy in the store and then add in another group of kids going crazy. Nuts.

Well, I should get ready for Cicero to show up. He's literally going to be here in an hour. I guess Michael and his wife are leaving for L.A. today. I don't really know the circumstances but it seems like it was a last minute thing. Well, I wish him the best.
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Aug. 27th, 2008 @ 01:56 pm Haven't got a clue.
Current Mood: rejuvenatedrejuvenated
Well it's wednesday. I made it through yesterday. Not that anything bad happened yesterday, it was just... a wacky kind of day.

I had to work in the morning. I had to be there at 7.30 and it sucked. I showed up on time and was ready to start doing shipment. (For some reason they call it "truck".) The truck was supposed to show up at 7.30 but it didn't show up until 8, so I had to stand around for a half hour with K. Now K and I get along, but we don't exactly have a lot to say to each other. So it was an awkward half hour. Finally the truck shows up and we start unloading. It's really not hard, what we do for shipment and I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to get it done next week all by myself. The worst part is lifting the heavy boxes. I haven't had to lift heavy boxes in YEARS so I'm kind of a weakling. I'm a determined little girl though, so I'll be able to get it done. We worked until 9.30 when it was time to go back to the store and start unloading stuff there. Then K told me that I had a half hour to get as much done as I could before I went home. Home? I was scheduled till 12. Yes, they were cutting my shift. I basically woke up at six to work for two and a half hours! I was more than a little pissed off about that. I'm still pissed off about that. And what sucks even more was that I had already had coffee and was awake so that when I got home I couldn't even get back to sleep. Sucky!

So I started reading. I read for a bit before Nick called. He was expecting me to be at work and was surprised that I was home early. He was making a cake and wanted to bring me over a piece. So I said okay even though I wanted to be left alone. He came over and made me eat a piece of this cake he had made. It was some kind of bananas foster cake. Now it was good, but I don't like bananas. He was expecting me to rant and rave about it, but I don't like bananas. I felt obliged to eat the cake regardless of the fact that I don't eat bananas. So he only stayed for a bit. I think he was going down to Che's. He kind of realized that I wanted to be left alone. I started reading again because I still couldn't sleep (we had coffee with our cake) so I was wide awake. It wasn't until around five or so that I was finally off my caffeine high and was able to lay down to sleep. I fell asleep at around six and didn't wake up. I woke up at around 11 but just for a minute. Then I was asleep again. The pups woke me up around nine and I took them outside. Then I fell asleep again and didn't wake up until noon. I can't believe I slept so much! (God, how boring were those last few sentences!?)

The pups went to the vet's on monday and they were not good when they came home. They had to get their teeth cleaned, so they had to put them under so they were super groggy when they came home. I was expecting that, but then all day yesterday they slept. They didn't want to eat or go outside or even drink water. It really scared me. I called the vet and they said it was because of the vaccinations, but that I needed to get them to drink water. Easier said than done. Wiggles didn't move from his spot on the couch pillows all day. Petunia kept finding different places to sleep in, so I wasn't as worried about her as I was of Wiggles. I stayed home all day yesterday to be with them. I did have plans with Sara but I had to cancel because I was so worried about the way the dogs were acting. This morning they are still sluggish but seeing as how they wanted to go outside, I'm not as worried about them. I'll feel better about leaving them at home when I leave today.

Sara and I are planning on going to Che's today. I haven't been down to the bar in a week or so, so it'll be nice to go back. Sara's band is also playing downtown tonight so I'm going to go to the show. It'll be nice to get out of the house after my "house arrest" of yesterday. I was hoping to get some sewing done but I have all day tomorrow to sew. Yup, I have tomorrow off as well. And I don't work until friday night so I'll have friday morning and afternoon to sew as well. Hopefully inspiration will hit me and I'll have the desire to sew.

Well that was a long-winded post. I think now you are up to date on my life, as unexciting as it is. Here's to wednesdays!
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Aug. 19th, 2008 @ 12:29 pm Abide with me.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Well here it is Tuesday morning (well for fifteen more minutes anyways) and I'm just waking up. I stayed up late last night because I just couldn't sleep and so I just let myself sleep in this morning. I don't know why I couldn't sleep, it's not like I had to work late or anything. There wasn't anything on my mind (for once) and the pups were behaving so there was really no reason for me to be up. Nick slept at his house last night so it was just me. Maybe I was just reveling in being alone.

I had to work last night. They cut my shift so I was only there for three hours. I was a little disappointed by that, because I could really use the hours. I hate going in to work, but once I'm there I'd like to stay to get paid. Work wasn't very exciting last night; it was pretty slow. I only made a few bears. But I did get to dress some display bears which is always fun. It's really the only way I get to use my fashion sense there. I like dressing the animals; it's fun. So overall work was pretty good.

Last night after getting home I poured myself a strong drink (watermelon Pucker with Sprite) and made dinner. It was weird being by myself. After dinner I sat down with the book that I'm currently working on, A Prayer for Owen Meany and just read for HOURS. I mean, literally hours. I probably started reading at around eight and didn't stop until about one. The first time I read this book I was in high school. I was a freshman and my english teacher assigned us this book. I remember getting about half way through when I got to the part where the main characters go to a strip club. Now there isn't anything shocking in that, but the part that made me not want to read anymore was where a stripper picked up an orange with her private parts. Is that even possible? I was entirely grossed out by that and refused to read the rest of the book. My mom read that section and totally agreed that it was inappropriate for a freshman to read. My english teacher put up a fight, but my mom wasn't backing down and so I was assigned a new book. My teacher never treated me the same after that, he was constantly picking on me. The kids in my class bullied me over that too. Oh well, what's high school without being picked on? Fast forward to about three years ago where I found the book at the bookstore and decided to read it again. That part is still disturbing to me, but it doesn't gross me out the way it did in high school. Overall the book is really well written and the author has been one of my favorites. I've read almost all of his other works. He grew up in Exeter (the town I grew up in) and he uses New Hampshire in most of his books. He also wrote The Cider House Rules and The World According to Garp, both of which have been made into movies. Of which I've seen. But enough about books.

It seems that my depression has decided to leave me alone. I'm not sure what caused it in the first place, so I don't know what happened that it decided to leave. I wonder if it had anything to do with the two days that I was on Clonzapam. Maybe. It could have been that I was just feeling so stifled by Nick being around all the time that I couldn't handle it mentally. Now that I have some space I'm feeling much better. Maybe. Either way, I'm feeling back to my normal self.

Speaking of Nick, we've been having fun the last few nights playing board games. I have a shelf full of classic board games and we took some down the other night to play. So far we've played The Game of Life and Guess Who. We're tied up in Life; we've each won a game, and I wasn't keeping track of who was ahead in Guess Who. He did cheat, so I haven't played with him since. It wasn't big cheating, but he just guessed outside of his turn, but that (according to the rules) is still considered cheating. I like to hold it against him. :) I'm so mean. Next up is probably Monopoly (even though that game can go on forever) and he really wants to play Scrabble. I'm terrible at word games, so I already know who's going to win. It's been nice though, to have games to play with him. It's been fun.

So I have today and the next two days off. Not sure what I'm gonna do. Today Nick has off so maybe we'll leave the house and go out. We'll probably end up at Che's later. Haven't been there in a couple of days. The idea of seeing a movie was tossed around, but we've said that we're going to see a movie so many times and not done it that I'm really thinking it'll never happen. But whatever. I really need to get some sewing done. I have three bags that need to be sewn and I'm thinking that tomorrow when Nick's at work I'll be able to work on them. It's been nice not having him around all the time. I know that sounds terrible, but it just means that when I DO get to see him it's that much better. It's also been nice because I get to sleep in when he's not here. He likes to wake up early and therefore wakes ME up early. I HATE waking up early. I'm always such a grouch in the morning.

Anyways, I've written about everything that I possibly could, and knowing me I could continue, but I think Nick will be calling me soon to do stuff so I need to get off the computer and go back to the land of the living. So to you all, Adieu.
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Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 12:46 pm The sounds of silence.
Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: "Get Up (Sex Machine)" by James Brown
So today is thursday. I've only been awake for the last couple of hours and I still don't feel awake. I'm drinking copious amounts of coffee trying to wake up. I didn't fall asleep until really early this morning so I wasn't ready to wake up early. I woke up to Nick cheering on the contestants on The Price is Right. He loves that show, and actually he's pretty good at it. I laid around on the couch trying to wake up. He went home to do some stuff at his house and now I have a couple of hours to myself. Not sure what I'm going to do with those few hours. I'm wasting time blogging that's for sure.

Yesterday afternoon I went down to Che's to meet Sara for a couple of drinks. She showed up late so I had some time in there by myself. It was a little intimidating, but I started up a conversation with a guy that I've seen in there before. He has some seriously long dreadlocks and he had a bandana tied around his head making him appear very "Pirates of the Caribbean"-ish. He said he's gotten that before and that I could call him Captain Pat Sparrow. (His name is Pat, very clever eh?) He asked my name, but couldn't remember it so he just called me Mimi. Whatever. Then Sara showed up and we had some good conversation. I'm not going to tell you what we talked about because it's "girl talk". It would probably bore you anyways. A liquor representative showed up and bought the bottle of Pitron XO for everyone to have. Now I'm not a fan of shots or of hard liquor straight, but I drank half of my shot and it was pretty good. I knew that if I tried to finish the other half that I wouldn't be able to drive so I gave the rest to Jeff. It was a really good thing that I didn't finish it because what little alcohol I had combined with that shot really hit me full speed as I was pulling into my driveway. Now I don't drive drunk. I've learnt my tolerance level and I know when to stop. But that last shot really did me in. I was lucky I was just about home when it hit, because it really would have sucked to pull over into the middle of nowhere to sit until I sobered up.

Things between Nick and I have been good. I'm still feeling slightly weird about our relationship, but he's been giving me some space so I'm starting to feel better. I think I really just needed more time to myself. We both have today off so we're planning on meeting up later on, but for the time being it's just me with the pups. I could go into my sewing room and work on one of the bags that I started last week, but I'm not totally in a mood to sew. I'm about halfway through one bag, and I have the pieces cut out for two more. They are really easy to sew so it won't take me much time to put them together. I just have to be in the right frame of mind.

In terms of my depression I'm feeling much better. I'm still anxious about everything and have to take a Zyprexa every couple of hours to just chill out. Tomorrow I will see my psychiatrist and hopefully he'll be able to figure out what's going on with me. My regular doctor prescribed me a new medication, so I'm thinking that the combination of the drugs I'm on isn't right. We'll find out tomorrow.

I have to work this weekend and I'm not necessarily looking forward to it, but I really need the money. On saturday I have to do a party by myself and I'm kinda freaking out about it. I hate doing parties and I especially hate doing them by myself. Not to mention that it's on a saturday afternoon where the store is already busy. But I'm trying not to think about it, or it's really going to make me anxious. And lord knows I'm anxious enough without more thrown on top.

Well this blog has now become ridiculously long. I've been blogging for half an hour now. God, what a waste of time. Adios for now.
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Aug. 7th, 2008 @ 11:21 am Rainy days and mondays always get me down.
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Well here it is thursday and I haven't blogged since monday afternoon. I just haven't been in the mood for blogging. I also had some soul searching of my own to do as there was a situation that happened monday night that left me with internal chaos. Now it's taken me three days to calm down about the situation and I think I can finally tell you about it with out getting upset.

Monday I spent all day in my sewing room. I started cutting out new pattern pieces for some small bags that I've wanted to work on. I felt weird all day but tried not to think anything about it. I was working on one of the bags and got pretty far into it. It's going to be bright pink with lime green polka dots (sound familiar?) and it's going to have a trim on it that is pink ribbon with green and pink glass beads hanging down. It's going to be really cute. So anyways, Nick had a pretty straining day at work and we decided to go to Che's. We decide to sit at the bar with some of his friends. We had a couple of drinks and things were going pretty good. Then some random girl walks by us, overhears our conversation and throws out something she shouldn't have. I'm not going to go into details because it really doesn't matter what she said; it was out of line. That really pissed me off because it was something regarding Nick. It really bothered me what she said. And then she spent some time at the bar glaring at me. Not cool. It really just worked me up. I decided to have some words with her. At one point (totally coincidental) we ended up outside together smoking. And to make matters worse she wanted to talk to me. You don't glare at me across the bar, say shit about my boyfriend and then pretend to be my friend. So I decided to confront her about what she had said. So I pulled her to the side, asked her if she had anything else to say about my boyfriend. She played stupid and then puffed up to her full height. Whatever, she wasn't going to intimidate me. Words were yelled and then I threw at her "You think just because you're bigger than me that I won't hit you?" And then *smack* I knocked her across the face. Now I'm not proud of this. It was wrong and juvenile and totally out of character for me. I've never done anything like this before and honestly I know I never will. It had never even crossed my mind that I would do something like that. I'm very ashamed of how I reacted and I really feared that the people at the bar would think less of me. In actuality I've become a sort of local hero. Everyone at the bar who had either seen it or hear about it has thought that it was awesome. (I guess they've had some problems with this girl in the past.) Nobody thought I had that kind of... spark inside me. I didn't even know that I was capable of doing something like that. Like I said, I'm ashamed of what I did and I fully intend to apologize to the bartenders for acting the way that I did. And I got what I deserved because I have scratches on my face and neck from that night. But I will say that I fought holding my purse and wearing high heels. Not too many girls can say that.

Anyways, I've been holed up in my house (partly because I'm embarrassed by the scratches on my face) but mostly because I was so ashamed of what I'd done. I've had to work the last two days and it was something to keep my mind occupied, but the situation is still in the back of my mind. It wasn't until yesterday when I heard from Sara that the guys at the bar were concerned for me that I started to feel better. Today I'm pretty much over it and can think more rationally about the situation. On Tuesday Nick took me out to get me to stop thinking about the situation. We went to Bookman's (our favorite used bookstore) and then he took me out to get ice cream. I will say there's something about a giant banana split that can cheer you up. I got a bunch of new books and I'm looking forward to having some time off to read them. Tonight we have plans to go to a friends house for dinner. It should be fun. One more thing to keep my mind off of what happened.

Well, that's my crazy ass blog. I hope you all won't think less of me now. I'm having a hard time dealing with it myself. I still can't wrap my head around the whole thing. Here's to thursdays which have got to be better than mondays.
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Aug. 4th, 2008 @ 10:38 am Less concerned with fitting into the world, your world that is.
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: "Only" Nine Inch Nails
Monday. Day two of the week. I have today off so I'm planning on spending most of my day in my sewing room. Want to hear something fantastic? I finished the big black bag yesterday. Yay! When I went in there yesterday morning I only had the pockets halfway finished yet I was able to complete the whole bag in one day. I decided not to hand sew the ribbon trim on the pockets and saved some time by using a fusible web. (That stuff is a life saver!) I ran into a small problem (I ran out of interfacing, which is used to make the bag stiffer) so I had to improvise. I cut up some old curtains that I had laying around from when I lived with Andrew. It's a nice heavy twill and I just basted that onto the pattern pieces. It definitely did the job. The bag is nice and sturdy. This was the pattern that I had to do from memory and as I was putting the pieces together I kept trying to remember what the finished product would look like. It's HUGE! I never would have guessed it'd be as big as it is. I remember using the one I made years ago as a school bag, and it's definitely big enough for that. I don't know if I'll be able to just carry it around it's that big. I call it the optical illusion bag because of the fabric choices I used on it. The bag itself is black with white dots, the front pocket is a black and white cross-hatch and the inside lining is black and white skinny stripes. I used a gingham plaid ribbon to trim the inside pockets and the outside pockets have a similar ribbon, but it's got small red flowers as a border. It's really cute if I do say so myself. I haven't shown it to anybody, but it's definitely professional quality. Even though I got it done in a day I took my time and all my stitches and stuff are perfect. There is really only one mistake, but it's not totally visible.

Anyways, enough about the bag. Last night I picked Nick up from work and we headed on down to Che's. It was really... weird. It wasn't one of the normal bartenders and the whole atmosphere was different. Only the die-hard regulars were there and they were involved in an intense conversation so we didn't join them. We just sat at the back of the bar and relaxed. We had some good conversation. It's nice when we can just talk to each other. We talked about our dreams and where we hope to be in ten years. Pretty serious stuff but it was good to hear what the other was looking for. After Che's we went to pick up a pizza and just headed home. We watched "Benny and Joon" which is a really great Johnny Depp *sigh* movie.

So last night I got two really weird messages from J. If I deciphered correctly, he's really sorry about the way things ended and he's not mad at me anymore. He read one of my blogs and said that he doesn't want to (and I quote) "f*ck things up" for me and Nick. Like I said, if I'm reading this correctly it sounds like he realized that he DID have feelings for me. Well, sorry but it's a little too late for that. I'm glad he's not still mad at me. I hope things are going well for him, I really do. I think he's got a lot of soul searching to do to decide what he's going to do with his life. But I wish him the best.

Having today off I'm planning on spending time in my sewing room. I'm not sure what I'll be working on, but I want to start on making handbags to sell. If I can stockpile enough up I'll be able to take them to a boutique or get my mom's friends to buy them. I just need to get my ass in gear. So anyways, I'm off to be productive.
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Aug. 3rd, 2008 @ 11:39 am A distorted reality is now a necessity to be free
Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed
Current Music: Elliott Smith "Coast to Coast"
Today is Sunday and it's the beginning of a new week. Well, for me it is. At work weeks start on sundays so I've just kind of adopted sundays as the start of the week. I have today off and I think I'm going to go into my sewing room and be productive. Nick has to work today so I can get some work accomplished. Even though he spends almost every night here I still feel like I have to entertain him when he's here and so I don't get to do any sewing or reading done. It was last week that I was working on that bag. I'm almost finished with the pockets. They take some time (they are probably the longest part of making the bag) and I'm at the point where I'm putting ribbon trim on them. I have to hand sew the ribbon on so it's taking a long time. I've only finished one so far, but I really hope to get them all finished today. Then I can put them on the lining and start the construction of the bag. This is the same pattern that I lost the directions to, so I'm proceeding really slowly. I don't want to make any mistakes, but if I do the bag is for me so I don't really care all that much.

I had to work yesterday and it was really busy once again. I talked to some other people who work in the mall and it seems like the whole mall is busy. I guess school starts up pretty soon so everyone is out school shopping. We had a line yesterday that almost reached to the door. I was on the stuffer for most of the day. I don't particularly mind being at the stuffer but it would be nice to have a break every now and then to stand up and get a drink. You talk to so many people that your throat goes dry. When it gets really dry you'll start coughing and that's really bad because you can't talk. Overall yesterday was good, there weren't too many grouchy people. Normally with a line as long as yesterday people get pissed off that they have to wait. I had one little girl who gave me a hug after I stuffed her bear. It was really cute. I don't mind the hugs, it's the kisses that creep me out. (Yes, I have been kissed by little kids.) I know they are just being sweet, but it still creeps me out. Don't really know why. Maybe I'm just wary of the germs.

Nick and I got off at the same time yesterday so after work we drove up to Trader Joe's to get some stuff for dinner. It seems like once a week we eat breakfast for dinner. He's really good at scrambled eggs, home fries, and french toast. After dinner we just laid around and watched stuff on television. It was a very dull night. We both had a busy day at work and just wanted to chill. It's nice having him work at the mall too. We get to see each other on our breaks and we can go home together when our schedules match up. It's nice just having him around. We get along really well. We have similar tastes in music and movies. We both like to go out and have a drink but we don't necessarily "party". We compliment each other in the way that we dress. Our personalities mesh well. He's loud and I'm more mellow. He energizes me with his loudness and I calm him down with my mellowness. We make a good team.

Like I said in my last post I went out to dinner with my dad, my sister and her boyfriend. It was funny because on Thursday night I made the plans with my dad over the phone. We got off the phone and my dad called back within seconds. He wanted to invite Nick to dinner as well. Nick had to work Friday night, but it was really nice that my dad extended the olive branch to Nick and invited him. I guess my parents realize that it's been a month and Nick hasn't left yet so they might as well get to know him. Yup, it's been a month to the day. Doesn't really feel like it. It feels like it's been so much longer. But I guess that happens when you find someone you really connect with.

Well, although I have more I could write about I think I'll stop while I'm ahead. I should really get into my sewing room now that my coffee is kicking in. Although I'm not looking forward to hand sewing those pockets, it's got to be done.
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Jul. 27th, 2008 @ 12:47 pm Give it up or turn it loose.
Current Mood: happyhappy
Sunday. I know I skipped yesterday but I had to work and it was totally draining. I was able to sleep in a little late and then I had to go in to work at 2. The mall parking lot was full and the mall was busy. Our store was packed. I was at the stuffer machine for a few hours and the line was to the door. Days like that are always draining because every time you turn around there is somebody else waiting. And you have to keep your excitement level at 100% all the time. Luckily they moved me around a bit so I wasn't at the stuffer machine for too long. There was one little girl that asked ten thousand questions and wanted to tell me her whole life story, but she wasn't obnoxious about it. She just really took a liking to me. After her bear was all stuffed and dressed she came over to me, pulled me down to her level and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was slightly disgusting, but at the same time really sweet. It's things like that that make me like my job. I know that I've made them a memory. I closed with J and two other people (they used my on-call so I was there for eight and a half hours) and J let us take a trip to the food court to get ice cream. It was totally cool of him to do that, because if the boss found out he'd be in super big trouble. But we stayed until 11 and were really busy restocking the store. J is such a cool manager.

After I got home Nick and I had a quick dinner and watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. He had never seen it before and really enjoyed it. It's nice that we have similar tastes in music and movies. I was on-call today but they didn't need me so now I have three days off in a row. I work Wednesday night but then I also have Thursday off. It's going to suck because my paycheck will be small, but I plan on doing a lot of sewing. I'm going to do that commissioned bag and work on creating my own pattern. My goal is to get two new bags done. We'll see if that's possible.

Talked to my mom yesterday. She's doing well. Talked to my dad this morning and he was so proud of me for being able to stand on my own two feet. I've been paying my bills myself and still have money left over. He told me that he was smiling from ear to ear when he heard that. He kept asking if I needed anything and I kept telling him that I'm doing fine. It's nice to have somebody tell you that they are proud of you. It made me feel really good. I know I'm doing really well, and it's nice to have that recognition from someone else. I'm really proud of myself. A couple of months ago (hell, a couple of weeks ago) I would never have thought that I would be where I am now. I really seem to have my life on track. All that really needs to happen is for me to start getting back into my sewing and make some money off of it. But Nick encourages me and that makes me want to do it even more. He really inspires me. And I want to do it to make my dad proud. And of course I want to do it to prove to myself that I CAN do it.

Speaking of sewing, I have really cute black material that is calling my name. I need to start on my mom's friends bag and then I'm going to start with the black material. So off I go!
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Jul. 26th, 2008 @ 11:47 am When you work it out, I'm worse than you.
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: James Brown- 20 All-time Greatest Hits
Saturday. I know I haven't posted in a while. I've just been too lazy. Let's see, what's happened? Well I had Thursday and Friday off. Thursday Nick had off too so we went to Che's for a bit. We met up with his best friend, T and had a few drinks. We were supposed to go see "The Dark Knight" but T's girlfriend was being kind of grouchy so we postponed it for later. Instead Nick and I rented "Batman Begins" and made dinner. "Batman Begins" was good but I'm not really a fan of action and adventure movies.

Yesterday Nick had to work so I had a few hours to myself. I finally finished the checkered cherry bag. It came out so much cuter than I thought it would. I had altered the bag pattern so it's basically my own design. Nick was really impressed with it. He said it looks really professional. That made me feel good. I think that I'm going to make my mom's friend the same bag style. It's pretty big for a bag, but not too large. I'm not inspired by her material choices, but I've been procrastinating for so long on doing it that I really just need to bite the bullet and get it done already.

I spent some time reading yesterday. I finished Anne of Green Gables and am now into Anne of Avonlea. I'm surprised I never read these when I was a kid, as they seem like the kind of stories that a preteen would enjoy. It's the kind of stories that you would read at night. I'm still working on Occidental Mythology by Campbell, but it's such heavy reading that I get confused easily and have to read something light in addition to it so my brain doesn't explode.

I just went to get a cigarette and Nick had left me a little note on my pack. It says "I love you Michelle". How sweet is that? It's the little things like that that mean so much. I haven't dated a romantic guy in years. He was my first fiance and that was about eight years ago. Haven't dated a romantic man since. I think they are far and few. A dying breed. Nick told me last night that he has a gift for me. He's had it for a while but has been saving it. He wouldn't tell me exactly what it is but he's hinted that it's a really nice lighter. That would be a nice gift. But I'm not used to getting gifts, so whatever it is I'll appreciate it.

I have to work this afternoon/evening. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but I haven't put in too many hours this week and this coming week I have short shifts also. That's going to suck when I get my paycheck. The last couple of weeks I've had some decent hours. Not sure why all of a sudden I'm not getting a lot of hours. It probably has to do with the numbers. We've had a couple of big storms which drive people inside and the last thing that people are going to do is go to the mall. (The roads flood really bad during our Monsoon season.) We're supposed to get pretty bad storms the next couple of weeks so that may be why I have so little shifts, because they are expecting it to be slow. I don't really know.

Anyways, I should get ready to go to work. Nick left me a pot of coffee when he left for work, so I'm feeling more awake. I let myself sleep in as late as I could and now I have to be productive. So that's all from me.
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Jul. 23rd, 2008 @ 11:59 pm Move over Rover, and let Jimi take over.
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: "Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire" Jimi Hendrix
Wednesday. I did a whole bunch of nothing today. Well, that's not entirely true. I had a dentist appointment this morning. I had to see a specialist because my gums are receding. I was a little nervous because I was expecting the worst, (which would be surgery) but I was relieved. I still need surgery, but not nearly as much as I thought I would. The big problem is the cost. The estimate they gave me (with a discount) is around $3,000. Ack! Like I can afford that. It sucks because I know the problem is going to get worse if I don't do something about it, but there is no way I can afford such a big chunk of money. They offered me some kind of dental care credit card which you pay for over a year, but I don't have any credit. I may have to have my parents co-sign for me. I hate having to ask them but what else can I do?

I had to work tonight. It wasn't so bad. It wasn't super busy but it wasn't slow either. I had to do all the cleaning, which I hate, and I was closing with the store manager so I had to do a really good job about it. We got in a new animal, a coyote, which people have been asking for forever. It's pretty cute. Not my favorite but then again, I'm not particularly fond of any of the dogs. We finally got in new "weekend shirts" (tee shirts we only wear on the weekends) which will be nice. We won't have to wear our tacky denim shirts on the weekends. I hate our dress code. I always feel like such a nerd walking through the mall. But whatever. It's a really hard market for jobs right now, so I should be happy that I even have a job. Once things start looking up I'll start feeling out for a new job. But not yet.

Besides working and going to the dentist I didn't do anything but sleep. I fall asleep later than Nick so I'm up pretty late. But then he wakes up early and wakes me up too. When I'm alone I can sleep in until noon. But with Nicholas around I get to sleep in until 10. If I'm lucky. Mind you, I'm not complaining. I love being with him and falling asleep next to him and having him wake me up with coffee and breakfast. (He's making us dinner right now and asked if I'm blogging about him. He has psychic abilities. Just kidding.) But really, I love having him around and everything that he does for me. He just fits into my life so perfectly. There isn't anything about him I would change. But I guess that I'm biased seeing it's so early in our relationship.

Well, dinner is ready. He made us biscuits with scrambled eggs, sausage (soy for me) and sliced tomatoes. He's a really good cook. There hasn't been any night so far that he hasn't cooked for us. Tomorrow we have plans to go see "The Dark Night" with some friends of his. I've heard great reviews so it should be a good movie. We'll see. Anyways, I need to eat. I'll write more tomorrow.
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